Good Choices

You are not alone. Please reach out when you need to. Especially when you feel like you are alone. There are many ways that we can support you. I am always assessing the needs of from calls I get and information that I receive. But I am not a mind reader. Communication is key for navigating grief cycles. Grief -like humans is unpredictable and cannot be adequately described or explained. It has a sudden impact whether expected, unexpected, planned or unplanned. The sudden impact leaves a catastrophic hole that someone who loved and cared for once filled. Throughout the rest of your life, you will attempt to fill that hole with an equal amount of impact your loved one had on your life. How can anything or anyone else fulfill the future you anticipated. If you are a Christian or have a belief in God, then you must know this is not the end. There is more to the story. It is only the beginning of something greater and more meaningful. However, the choice is yours to even consider this could be true. I can assure you it is. There are a lot of things in life we can change. But this is not one of them. We must choose to accept the things we cannot change, make the choice to change what we are able to and the wisdom to know the difference. Do something good today for yourself.

Be healed and Whole,

Glorya Bolden

Have some Morning Tea!

Non-Acceptance

I spoke with a someone yesterday who said "he or she" cannot accept the fact their child is gone. This parent is now raising the grandchildren. I will not bore you the generic reiteration of the 5 stages of grief. Although it has bene said it comes in cycles. I disagree. It actually comes in waves! Big gigantic waves that try to engulf you and carry you to be a place unknown and unfamiliar. A place you don't to visit or see.

Grief can build an infrastructure of pain if it is not dealt with head on. From my perspective and some psychologist might agree; that the denial stage of grief is the most dangerous place to be. Human reasoning is not enough to convince one that their beloved husband, child, lover, parents or even a pet is no longer living on earth with us. As I recalled when my mother passed away, the first question is I asked was "where did she go?". Why did I process in that way.???? Because since I was a child, my mother has always occupied my life every day in every way. I can always expect her to answer the phone, be in the next room or sitting on her porch when I came to visit. There was a silence in my world. Her voice or presence was no longer heard. Where did my mommy go? I was like a frightened child who lost their mom, and I had no idea where to look for her. Although I was 50 when mom passed away, I still felt like an orphaned. It was the most difficult thing to accept. I personally believe the inability to accept the loss is directedly related to changes you were not prepared for. We will discuss this in another session.

Grief can also be a defense mechanism that can help individuals cope with the shock and overwhelming emotions of loss. Here's a closer look at how grief and denial are interconnected:

1. Initial Shock: When you first receive news of a significant loss, it can be so overwhelming that your mind goes into a state of shock. Denial is a natural response to this emotional trauma. You may find it difficult to believe that the loss has occurred, and you may temporarily disconnect from the reality of the situation.

2. Protection Mechanism: Denial serves as a protective mechanism for your psyche. It shields you from the full brunt of the pain, allowing you some time to process the reality of the loss gradually. It can be a way to temporarily escape the intensity of the emotions associated with grief.

3. Gradual Acceptance: Over time, as you begin to accept the loss, the denial starts to fade. You move through the other stages of grief, such as anger, bargaining, depression, and ultimately acceptance. Denial is a transitional phase that, while initially helpful, should not persist indefinitely.

4. Varying Duration: The duration of the denial stage varies from person to person. Some may remain in this phase for a relatively short time, while others may linger in denial for longer periods. There's no set timeline for how long each stage of grief should last.

5. Seeking Support: It's important to seek support and guidance during the denial stage and throughout the grieving process. Talking to friends, family, or a mental health professional can help you process your emotions and gradually move toward acceptance.

6. Balancing Coping Mechanisms: While denial can provide temporary relief, it's essential not to get stuck in this stage for an extended period. If you find that denial is preventing you from addressing your grief and working through your emotions, it's a good idea to seek help and support in order to progress through the grieving process in a healthy way.

Remember that the grieving process is a highly individual experience, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Denial is just one part of this complex journey, and it can play a vital role in helping individuals come to terms with their loss. Over time, as you process your emotions and receive support, you'll gradually move through the various stages of grief toward healing and acceptance of your loss.

-grief is a journey that requires constant rest,

-stay connected.